Saturday, September 21, 2013

to the best dog in the world

forget writing about my spain trip, i need to talk about something else and writing about this will help me, i think... i hope.

i lost my best friend yesterday; my parents told me this evening.  my baby, who i raised, who felt like my actual human son.  he was there for me when i was sad, when i was happy, and when i was cooking spongebob mac and cheese as my afternoon snack.  he dealt with my rubbing the tips of his ears between two fingers to feel how soft he was, he dealt with the mauling kisses and hugs i gave him, and he dealt with the pictures i obsessively took of him and posted to instagram and facebook.

the hard part about being in england is that i wasn't with him at the end, but my parents were - thank god.  it actually may have been worse were i still in the US - i probably would have left my job, driven home, and had to be sedated once we lost him.  being across the ocean has protected me from being a crazy person and, while i am still upset and sobbing my eyes out, i can only think that the ocean has protected me from harm.

i don't honestly care what most of you think; to me, jordan was everything - and using "was" is one of the most painful parts of that sentence and future conversations.  he was my doggie; he was my bff; he was my shoulder to cry on; he was my entertainment; he was my snugglebutt, my lovemonkey, my bamboozle.  i called him a slew of nicknames and he never cared; he still loved me back.  he let me snuggle the shit out of him, rub his belly, his his head.

i wish i could do all these things again.  i already dread that i can't.

i love this dog more than anything.  he was - and will always be - a member of my family.  please enjoy these pictures of jordan, my soulmate.

jordan hates his santa outfit. (it also reverses to be an elf outfit!)


jordan and his little bro charlie who followed jordan around the yard and always needed him as a babysitter

our last picture together, me and my little lovemuffin

jordan and his ball, his favorite toy <3

i bought him two things in boston: a lobster tough toy and a shitton of pig ear treats from this specialty store on newbury street.  when i brought these home, he seemed disinterested in the lobster and did not want to eat the ears which had previously been his favorite thing ever.  i did get him to eat half an ear, but it's like he knew...

my dad buried our family member with all his toys - especially his favorite, that damned pink ball.  he loved nothing more than that walmart speciall that, despite our best efforts, we were never able to find another.  he is near his brothers, ziggy and little bob (cats) and gally (guinea pig) and his sisters pierre (cat) and nelly (guinea pig).  i hope they are playing with him in heaven, showing him around, getting him the best doggie toys.  he brothered them all and was there when we lost them; he was there for me when we lost them.

he lost his neighbor dog friend, lucky, a few years ago to a car accident.  she was a black lab, too.  i hope she is playing with him, too.  no, not hope - i know she is.  she loved breaking off her leash and coming over to our house to entertain jordan, who siblings were guinea pigs and cats.  lots of cats.

as for that lobster toy: he never touched it.  my dad said he didn't actually bury that with my baby, partly because it was brand new but mainly because it was never really jordan's toy.  they were going to put it on his gravestone with his boston university collar but i told my mom not to; i said, that is jordan's gift to the next dog i get, whether it be in the next year or the next 10.  that was his gift.

when jordan was a baby, my mom slept with him on the kitchen floor because he would not stop crying; she did this again the past few days outside on the lawn when he suddenly couldn't walk.  i am so glad that he was a part of our family and that he was so loved.  i see things on facebook all the time about animals abused or abandoned and i weep.  no innocent creature deserves that.  i am grateful that we got to give jordan an amazing life.

we were trying to house train jordan, keeping him baby-gated in the kitchen to avoid pee on the new carpets, but he was not pleased.  he refused to go outside and instead would use the newspaper in the kitchen.  he also was growing and could knock down that baby gate in one lean.  well, one day, my mom got SO fed up she went on one of her crazy tyraids.  she said something to the order of "fine, you want out of the kitchen?  well, you're going go to go to the bathroom outside!"  and ripped the baby gate down and tossed it outside.

he never went in the house again.  it was like he just wanted that gate down and to be a part of the family.  he ate so much wallpaper and cabinet wood but really just wanted to lie in front of the tv with my feet rubbing him; he always wanted to be touched.

i know it's a little soon, but i really needed to write this; i needed to share his amazing life with you all.  i'm sorry for the typos and sentences that might not quite make sense; i wrote this with extreme emotions, but that's what jordan gave me all the time - extreme emotions.  i love him with al my heart and soul.  i don't know how i'll go back home without him there, but i know my parents and kitties charlie and kelse will help.

i love you jordan, i love you so much! <3